Following in the footsteps of the venerable Zen Master Genpo Merzel, I'd like to announce the following arrangements.
I am now offering several levels of commitment to those who want to follow me and be my minions, underlings, or subordinates.
I am calling my new method of Zen practice Big Swindle™ Zen! It allows you to be ripped off and cheated by a real Zen Master — me! Your money will go to support such incredible projects as repairing my car, buying me the boxed set of Ozzy Osbourne/Randy Rhoads CDs, paying for trips out to California to get away from the damned cold in Ohio, new clothes from the Village Discount Outlet in Cuyahoga Falls, burritos at Taco Tantos for me and Dave my upstairs neighbor, new strings for my bass and much, much more.
Here's how it works:
Three Paths of Study and Practice
Dear Followers of the Way and Big Swindle™ Zen Practitioners,
We are pleased to be able to introduce and explain Big Swindle™ Zen by B. Odo Warner Roshi, which we preface with this note from Odo Warner Roshi himself:
I would like to bring clarity to my relationship with all those who desire to study the Buddha Way with me. I feel it is important to honor all commitments to the Dharma and to appreciate the complexity of a relationship with me as a vessel for the Buddha Dharma. I am grateful for the opportunity to convey the teaching on as many levels as I can.
But I'm a busy guy. I got things to do. So you gotta make it worth my while to waste my time with you. So you gotta pay up!
Because my time is valuable I would like to be concise in explaining how one can continue or begin studying with me.
My commitment to you is to bring forth the Dharma in a way that works with your varied lifestyles and time constraints, one that is affordable and also respects and honors your personal spiritual journey. I have worked alongside the Big Swindle™ staff to provide you options for studying with me that suit your individual needs and interests, and I hope you will join us in continuing to awaken the world and raise global consciousness and get me some more cool stuff.
Here are the three paths available:
Big Swindle™ Zen Subordinate
Anyone who wishes to study Big Swindle™ Zen can have the opportunity to learn from the founder and creator of Big Swindle™ in the comfort and convenience of their own home through unlimited access to all of Odo Roshi’s latest video teachings as well as the entire archive of his teachings on the Big Swindle™ website. In other words we're offering you the opportunity to pay to watch videos of Roshi that have heretofore been available for free!
Although some recordings are accessible through venues such as YouTube, only members of Big Swindle™ Zen will have access to the complete and ever-increasing collection. That's right! Roshi will be pointing a camera at himself and saying even more useless stuff! Members may also submit questions to Roshi through the Big Swindle™ website and will find answers to selected questions in his blog whenever he gets around to it.
• A 10% discount on all Big Swindle™ Events and all items in the store. (This does not include Facilitator trainings which cost way more.)
• Access to all previously free video archives and continuously expanding crappy cheap videos in the video library.
• Direct submission of questions to Roshi via the web blog. Maybe he'll actually read a few of them! If he gets time.
• Contributing through your generosity towards getting the Big Swindle™ Process out into the world and raising global consciousness and getting more people to send more money to Roshi. You want Roshi to be happy, don't you?
Dana: Minimum donation of $375/yr or $30/month
These videos are free to access now at http://www.youtube.com/user/doubtboy
*** Starting soon, these will only be available to paying Big Swindle™ Zen Practitioners!
Big Swindle™ Zen Underling
Those who have been students in the past and those who desire to begin study of the BuddhaDharma with Odo Roshi can apply for acceptance into the Big Swindle™ Zen School. To be a student in the Big Swindle™ Zen School means you have a heartfelt commitment to study and serve the Dharma. It also helps if you're female and attractive. Your desire to be recognized as a student of Odo Roshi is not a binding obligation of form but an expression of your heart connection with Roshi and appreciation of the opportunity to learn and serve the Dharma together in this life (if you know what we mean!).
Big Swindle™ Zen Minion
People who are here in this lifetime to commit themselves to accomplishing Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi may request to become a minion and to work alongside Roshi in a personal manner (if you know what we mean!). A minion is one whose first priority in this life is to serve and study the Dharma and especially the Roshi. It's one who sees their heart to heart connection with Roshi as a cornerstone in that pursuit and is an attractive young lady (brunettes with shapely behinds preferred, but all will be considered because you never know).
Going forward as either an underling or minion:
In either case these are heart relationships which do not imply ownership or obligation in either direction (especially on the part of Odo Roshi, who may choose to just ignore you at any time especially if you're annoying and/or not particularly attractive). What is essential is the heart to serve the Dharma and grow and share our lives together without agenda (or much of an agenda anyway).
If you are one of the gazillions of people who became students of Roshi in the past and wish to continue, we ask of you to clearly affirm again your desire to continue as a student in the Big Swindle™ Zen School (which means sending the Roshi more money and sending a newer photo to make sure you meet the qualifications). To assure that those who wish to study with Roshi have reasonable access to him and that his schedule is manageable Roshi will be limiting the number of students he can accept into this practice to those who pay the required amount or are cute enough to have their fees waived.
If you have the aspiration to be either a underling or minion of Odo Roshi and the Big Swindle™ Zen school please send an email to email@example.com. Please state your aspiration and the vision you see of your commitment as well as how much you intend to pay and 2 recent full body photographs (front and rear view, bikini or nude shots are preferred). One of Odo Roshi's minions will summarize the information and send him the pics if they're good. Then, if you qualify we will set up a face to face or phone interview with Roshi.
The Big Swindle™ Staff
(This is just way too fucking easy!)