Saturday, December 10, 2011

New Levels of Minionship Available Now!

Following in the footsteps of the venerable Zen Master Genpo Merzel, I'd like to announce the following arrangements.

I am now offering several levels of commitment to those who want to follow me and be my minions, underlings, or subordinates.

I am calling my new method of Zen practice Big Swindle™ Zen! It allows you to be ripped off and cheated by a real Zen Master — me! Your money will go to support such incredible projects as repairing my car, buying me the boxed set of Ozzy Osbourne/Randy Rhoads CDs, paying for trips out to California to get away from the damned cold in Ohio, new clothes from the Village Discount Outlet in Cuyahoga Falls, burritos at Taco Tantos for me and Dave my upstairs neighbor, new strings for my bass and much, much more.

Here's how it works:

Three Paths of Study and Practice

Dear Followers of the Way and Big Swindle™ Zen Practitioners,

We are pleased to be able to introduce and explain Big Swindle™ Zen by B. Odo Warner Roshi, which we preface with this note from Odo Warner Roshi himself:

I would like to bring clarity to my relationship with all those who desire to study the Buddha Way with me. I feel it is important to honor all commitments to the Dharma and to appreciate the complexity of a relationship with me as a vessel for the Buddha Dharma. I am grateful for the opportunity to convey the teaching on as many levels as I can.

But I'm a busy guy. I got things to do. So you gotta make it worth my while to waste my time with you. So you gotta pay up!

Because my time is valuable I would like to be concise in explaining how one can continue or begin studying with me.

My commitment to you is to bring forth the Dharma in a way that works with your varied lifestyles and time constraints, one that is affordable and also respects and honors your personal spiritual journey. I have worked alongside the Big Swindle™ staff to provide you options for studying with me that suit your individual needs and interests, and I hope you will join us in continuing to awaken the world and raise global consciousness and get me some more cool stuff.


Here are the three paths available:

Big Swindle™ Zen Subordinate

Anyone who wishes to study Big Swindle™ Zen can have the opportunity to learn from the founder and creator of Big Swindle™ in the comfort and convenience of their own home through unlimited access to all of Odo Roshi’s latest video teachings as well as the entire archive of his teachings on the Big Swindle™ website. In other words we're offering you the opportunity to pay to watch videos of Roshi that have heretofore been available for free!

Although some recordings are accessible through venues such as YouTube, only members of Big Swindle™ Zen will have access to the complete and ever-increasing collection. That's right! Roshi will be pointing a camera at himself and saying even more useless stuff! Members may also submit questions to Roshi through the Big Swindle™ website and will find answers to selected questions in his blog whenever he gets around to it.

Benefits include:

• A 10% discount on all Big Swindle™ Events and all items in the store. (This does not include Facilitator trainings which cost way more.)

• Access to all previously free video archives and continuously expanding crappy cheap videos in the video library.

• Direct submission of questions to Roshi via the web blog. Maybe he'll actually read a few of them! If he gets time.

• Contributing through your generosity towards getting the Big Swindle™ Process out into the world and raising global consciousness and getting more people to send more money to Roshi. You want Roshi to be happy, don't you?

Dana: Minimum donation of $375/yr or $30/month

These videos are free to access now at

*** Starting soon, these will only be available to paying Big Swindle™ Zen Practitioners!

Big Swindle™ Zen Underling

Those who have been students in the past and those who desire to begin study of the BuddhaDharma with Odo Roshi can apply for acceptance into the Big Swindle™ Zen School. To be a student in the Big Swindle™ Zen School means you have a heartfelt commitment to study and serve the Dharma. It also helps if you're female and attractive. Your desire to be recognized as a student of Odo Roshi is not a binding obligation of form but an expression of your heart connection with Roshi and appreciation of the opportunity to learn and serve the Dharma together in this life (if you know what we mean!).

Big Swindle™ Zen Minion

People who are here in this lifetime to commit themselves to accomplishing Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi may request to become a minion and to work alongside Roshi in a personal manner (if you know what we mean!). A minion is one whose first priority in this life is to serve and study the Dharma and especially the Roshi. It's one who sees their heart to heart connection with Roshi as a cornerstone in that pursuit and is an attractive young lady (brunettes with shapely behinds preferred, but all will be considered because you never know).

Going forward as either an underling or minion:

In either case these are heart relationships which do not imply ownership or obligation in either direction (especially on the part of Odo Roshi, who may choose to just ignore you at any time especially if you're annoying and/or not particularly attractive). What is essential is the heart to serve the Dharma and grow and share our lives together without agenda (or much of an agenda anyway).

If you are one of the gazillions of people who became students of Roshi in the past and wish to continue, we ask of you to clearly affirm again your desire to continue as a student in the Big Swindle™ Zen School (which means sending the Roshi more money and sending a newer photo to make sure you meet the qualifications). To assure that those who wish to study with Roshi have reasonable access to him and that his schedule is manageable Roshi will be limiting the number of students he can accept into this practice to those who pay the required amount or are cute enough to have their fees waived.

If you have the aspiration to be either a underling or minion of Odo Roshi and the Big Swindle™ Zen school please send an email to Please state your aspiration and the vision you see of your commitment as well as how much you intend to pay and 2 recent full body photographs (front and rear view, bikini or nude shots are preferred). One of Odo Roshi's minions will summarize the information and send him the pics if they're good. Then, if you qualify we will set up a face to face or phone interview with Roshi.

The Big Swindle™ Staff

(This is just way too fucking easy!)


Seagal Rinpoche said...

The five skhandas are the holding mass of matter, feelings, perceptions, impulses and the holding mass of consciousness.

Anonymous said...

Hey bro like 4 articles down is Marmaduke about to get his dogdick sucked?

Dane. said...

Priceless...well except the price involved. But good on ya, calling it what it is. Organized spiritual teachings with no bullshit labels.

Brad Clark said...

Haha! Hilarious. The greatest value from this post is that it shines the light on that other fraudster, uh what's his name? ;)

What is it about religion and frauds?

scmgeek said...

I'm holding out for Zen Big Swindle(tm) Nerd. That way I can feel superior about stuff or something.

Brad Warner said...

Hey bro like 4 articles down is Marmaduke about to get his dogdick sucked?

It really is hard to tell, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

angry at those parents... why didn't they give me the attention I needed?!

this is really what i'm connecting with today in my own life. so i'm reading your post as a projection of my state. it seems angry and having to do with unmet needs, unfairness. i'm definitely projecting.

Brad Warner said...

I'm holding out for Zen Big Swindle(tm) Nerd. That way I can feel superior about stuff or something.

I will be adding that status soon. Thanks!

M. Lommel said...

Hilarious, and true to what happens.

Uku said...

Great! Is there any chance to get Zen Swindle Biatch status?

scmgeek said...

Also waiting for a Zen Big Swindle(tm) Affiliates Program! I'm opening a Taco restaurant chain in Santa Cruz called Taco Tanto West Coast. The proximity to UC Santa Cruz and designation as Zen Big Swindle(tm) Spot Of Awesomeness would be big buck$.

Brian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian said...

Will there be a "BradWarnerLand" complete with a luxury hotel, a fire breathing monster statue, a ride called "The Syd Barrett Experience" and a water slide?

Throw in a glossy quarterly mag of you enjoying our money, and you got a deal!

I'M INVESTING IN MY ENLIGHTENMENT! *whips out my credit card* You tell me how much you think it should cost, and take an extra 10% for yourself.

scmgeek said...

Pretty sure that comes after completion of the air conditioned doghouse. I mean that's just common sense.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Dennis finally jumps the shark!

I thought "maybe Brad's over-doing the Satire". But holy-feck no, it's just cut-n-paste of the copy (approx).

Anonymous said...


*sips starbucks latte*

proulx michel said...


Ven. Odo: Did you know that "minion" is in reality the French word "mignon" (which was, granted, applied to the minions of King Henri III of France, well know for his perfumes and pearl earrings), and means かわい?


NellaLou said...

A few special titles for a few special individuals could be an option too.

-HCZ head laundress
-Roshi's personal equipment maintenance engineer (must wear short nurse costume)
-back seat warming intern

konggi said...

Occupy Zen

Oliver said...

I'm in! Buying dharma is a very convenient way to study!
My only problem - being a male - is the fact that I'm too shy for a nude shot and do not own a bikini at all...

Mysterion said...


now I have to rinse the coffee out of my keyboard and let it dry in the sun...

CAPCHA = groph

Uku said...

NellaLou wrote:

-Roshi's personal equipment maintenance engineer (must wear short nurse costume)

Shit, I want that costume, I wanna wear it! Am I Zen Big Swindle (tm) Biatch then?

Mysterion said...


maybe some day Dennis will get a TIME article...

wait and see...

what would buddha say?

remember, I offer Socratic dialogues at 10¢ each or 3 for 25¢.

no refunds.

CAPCHA = giness

Anonymous said...

oh hey brad, as your minion should I go ahead and sign you up as interested in deshi status with genpo??

Anonymous said...

If I pay TWICE as much, will you help me reach enlightenment more quickly?

*makes note to have the word and concept of enlightenment trademarked*

babbles said...

You have got to be shitting me!

I have not posted in a long while but still read the blog and have only casually taking note of the entire Genpo racket. And, a racket it is indeed. I would think that any folks who have previously defended this clown should really reevaluate exactly it is whom they are defending.

So as a point to ponder, I wonder if it is actually a good thing that Genpo is transparent with his activities. I think it is reasonably safe to assume that any organization, regardless of its nature, has somebody, somewhere doing some shenanigans. With Genpo running his racket and Brad taking him to task for it, I feel some sense of comfort to know that at least things are out in the open. It's the shenanigans you don't know about that is disturbing.

G.M. said...

"I have chosen to disrobe as a Buddhist Priest, and will stop giving Buddhist Precepts or Ordinations, but I will continue teaching Big Mind. I will spend the rest of my life truly integrating the Soto Zen Buddhist Ethics into my life and practice so I can once again regain dignity and respect. My actions have caused a tremendous amount of pain, confusion, and controversy for my wife, family, and Sangha, and for this I am truly sorry and greatly regret. My behavior was not in alignment with the Buddhist Precepts. I feel disrobing is just a small part of an appropriate response.

I am also resigning as an elder of the White Plum Asanga. My actions should not be viewed as a reflection on the moral fabric of any of the White Plum members."

john e mumbles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"If you ’re new to meditation, find a comfortable upright position (sitting in a chair is sufficient), take a few deep breaths, and relax. From your relaxed meditation position, ask the Controller, “May I please speak to the Non-seeking Non-grasping Mind?” Then identify as the Controller by saying, “Yes, I am the Controller, and you may now speak to the Non-seeking Non-grasping Mind. OK, now, sit as the Non-seeking Non-grasping Mind.”

by Zen Master D. Genpo Merzel"

Let's see you match that, Mr. Big Swindle™ master.

Mike Dolan Fliss said...

@Seagal: always nice to see folks version of the skandas.
@Brad: where's your etsy shop of pins and bumper stickers and shit? I want merch! :p
@ guy mentioning taco franchises: whoah, am I hungry. Thanks man.

Brad Warner said...

Let's see you match that, Mr. Big Swindle™ master.

Oh man! How can I match that?

leoboiko said...

I'm a boy, can't I be an er close personal minion? I'll pay double…

Anonymous said...

ask the Controller THIS

Prodigal Self said...

Will the plan be available at Walmart or Target stores anytime soon?

Anonymous said...

who is dana?

Mysterion said...


It's a cult.

First, you must be taught to appreciate Dennis as a vessel of the dharma.

Second, you must go to Dennis for a drink of dharma.

Third, you must PAY (in advance) for drinking dharma from the sacred vessel and since the Buddhadharma is precious, the price is high.

But real Zen Buddhist Monks beg in silence. The do not communicate when begging.

Therefore, Dennis is not real. He is self-contrived. (Like the universe).

At least he is not THE vessel of the Buddhadharma. If so, we'ld be hosed!

Mysterion said...

Anonymous Brad Clark said...
"What is it about religion and frauds?"

Birds of a feather flock together.

But there ARE different flocks and flockers.

BTW Jobs was a Buddhist but Woz is an atheist [#42 on the list].

BTW How many on this list of atheists also happen to be Freemasons?

chairman wao said...

"BTW How many on this list of atheists also happen to be Freemasons"?

How many on this list of Freemasons also happen to be KKK?

Billy said...

Can I just send you things from your amazon wishlist in lieu of of money?

Khru said...

Thank God for this awesome post. Reading it has caused me to have a massive and uncontrollable bowel movement.

Anonymous said...

Hi Brad,

On a serious note. You know what I find absolutely incredible about this whole Roshi affair ? He was a popular teacher with students throughout the world. Not all are online.

Has White Plum / Big Mind made any attempt to contact all students to inform them about the Roshi scandal ? NO !

Has White Plum / Big Mind made any attempt to collect feedback by asking students if they felt abused by Roshi's behavior in the past ? NO !

But Big Mind HAS found the time to design a new website and re-launch. Now that tells you what Roshi's priorities are.

I'm so glad you're taking the piss. It's important. Thanks.

Concerned Buddhist Teachers said...

19 April, 2011

Dear Mr Merzel,

We are a group of Zen teachers, affiliated with all of the major schools of Zen in the west. We write as individuals, however, not as representatives of any group. We are deeply concerned at your apparent turning away from your own stated intention of stepping back as a teacher in order to take care of your habitual abuses of power with students and others. We are addressing this letter to you with the heartfelt wish that you read and heed our counsel. We are also sending this letter to various Dharma journals and websites because we have deep doubts that the letter will convince you and we feel that the greater sangha needs to be made aware of the problem and our views.

On the 15th of February forty-four teachers sent you a public letter, in response to your admission of serious misconduct, expressing deep concern both for you and for the sangha you serve. The letter recommended that you take a leave of absence from teaching and enter into counseling with people qualified to work with clergy sexual misconduct. We know others including close colleagues and friends offered similar counsel.

On February 6, you published a confession of unethical behavior, adultery and sexual misconduct with students. You called this statement, “Owning My Responsibility: A Personal Statement from Genpo Merzel.” In it you say you will disrobe as a priest, “as just a small part of my response.” You describe yourself as having engaged in “dishonest, hurtful behavior as well as sexual misconduct.” Earlier in the year, in at least two meetings, you acknowledged having engaged in a long affair with one of your students. You claim you will no longer give the Buddhist precepts, that you will spend the rest of your life integrating the precepts into your life and practice so as to regain “dignity and respect” and characterize yourself as having missed “the mark of being a moral and ethical person and a decent human being.” Finally, you stated that you have entered therapy and plan to continue indefinitely. A copy of the entire statement is attached to this letter.

This was not the first occasion such behaviors were revealed. Your response this time was to disrobe as a Buddhist priest and to resign from the White Plum Asanga, the only organization that may have had sway over your future actions.

We write again because you seem to have decided to ignore your own best impulses and to return to your path of denial. The page on your website that contained your statement a few short weeks ago now reads: “This page does not exist.”

Concerned Buddhist Teachers said...

On February 6, you said you would spend the rest of your life “integrating the Soto Zen Buddhist Ethics into (your) life.” Many of us read this and understood your intention was to cease representing yourself as a Zen teacher and instead to give future energy to the Big Mind project you’ve developed.

In fact, you continued to use the titles of a Zen teacher (Zen Master, Roshi) and to act in every way as a Zen teacher, just no longer as a priest or as a member of a larger Zen organization. Initially, your Kanzeon Board of Directors committed to a process of separating from your “Big Mind” organization and to bringing in new leadership for the Center. You were to take an indefinite leave from leadership at Kanzeon, of at least one year. Yet, a few weeks later, your Board at Kanzeon now says you have “retired” as a priest only and that they will sell off the assets of Kanzeon. Your Board’s statement also says that you will now teach nearby and offers your teaching to all members of Kanzeon, in the new location. The statement reads, in part, “The sale will also allow Kanzeon to pay off its obligations and sustain its existence, with Genpo Roshi continuing as its Abbot, outside Salt Lake City at Solitude in Big Cottonwood Canyon.”

We sincerely hope you will eventually find in your heart a way to genuine repentance, and out of that follow a course of remediation that may actually lead to healing. Others have acknowledged misconduct and have made appropriate amends in the past, and been rehabilitated within the mahasangha. May you be encouraged by their example?

However, at this point we see no evidence of good faith action on your part. It seems you continue to hold yourself out as a religious leader, a Zen Master and that the Kanzeon Board has turned and followed your lead. We are concerned for people who may come to you as a Zen teacher. Those among your current students who choose to continue with you have made a conscious decision, aware, we assume, of all the facts regarding your repeated history of exploitative behaviors.

Therefore, as members of the Zen teaching mahasangha deeply concerned for the wellbeing of anyone to whom you present yourself as a Zen teacher, we feel we cannot remain silent. We need to state publicly our belief that you are not acting faithfully within the bounds of our tradition. We reiterate our call for you to enter treatment with people qualified to diagnose and address your repeated unethical and exploitative behaviors. And, we call on you to honor your commitment to step aside from Kanzeon and allow a remediation process to happen there as well.

Sincerely yours,

R I D D L E said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

If Genpo ripped people off for their money then Brad takes it one step further he totally wastes your mother fuckin precious time with posts like this. FUCK YOU BRAD. Time is more important than money. Although one can say that neither is real. Brad will NEVER grow up. He's a terminal juvenile and don't expect more. Vow to avoid BRad.

Anonymous said...

Lighten up, Anonymous above me. You hear me, friend?

Anonymous said...

don't make me angry!

J Hudson said...

Do the video's come in betamax format. That's the only kind of player I have.

Brad Warner said...

Will the plan be available at Walmart or Target stores anytime soon?

We're working on it! Our initial deal to offer the program through Borders met some snags. But once we get those worked out we'll be moving forward.

Brad Warner said...

Do the video's come in betamax format. That's the only kind of player I have.

Sorry. Right now we're only offering the programs in audio format on 8-track tape. But we'll be upgrading to Betamax and Hi-8 video shortly!

Brad Warner said...

He's a terminal juvenile and don't expect more. Vow to avoid BRad.

Your mom is a terminal juvenile!

Brad Warner said...

The note from the Concerned Buddhist Teachers is interesting. That's the first time I've seen this. Who are the teachers who signed it? Where has this piece appeared?

I doubt it will have much impact, unfortunately. But it's still a useful gesture in any case.

It's bizarre to me that guys like Genpo seem to be absolutely immune to anything. Once something like this gets started it seems like it's impossible to stop. For example, after the sarin gas attacks on the Tokyo subway system, Shoko Asahara's group Aum Supreme Truth renamed themselves Aleph and continued on pretty much as before. They just renounced the terrorism stuff as if the rest of the teachings weren't all bound up with it.

Genpo Roshi is just one fairly minor example of the religious snake oil salesman who makes a fortune cheating people. I only go after him so much because he represents himself as Zen and he does have a legitimate lineage.

Making people pay to be a deshi (disciple) and obliquely promising them Annutara Samyak Sambodhi (complete unsurpassed perfect enlightenment) for cash... I'm sorry. I just can't let that go unchallenged.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Brad:

Amy said...

But can YOU do it? Or is this post just a sham?

Anonymous said...

A serious father complex-no doubt about it

Mysterion said...

also posted at:

john e mumbles said...

A link from the guy who interviewed Brad for Tricycle that includes Genpo's agreement (among other BS) that he will not add "Roshi" to his name anymore:

The Kanzeon board responds at Sweeping Zen:

Mysterion said...

Be practical. There is a revenue stream - cash sacred cow - that Dennis will not stop milking.

A fool and his money are soon parted. (idiom)

Thomas Tusser (1524–1580)
Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry (1557)

"A foole and his monie be soone at debate,
which after with sorrow repents him too late."

Let these fools squander their funds to Dennis' benefit. We can neither control him nor them. We can control ourselves and, hopefully, our laughter.

Fred said...

The people who created voice
dialogue were practicing psycho-
therapists with PhDs in their art.

Genpo does not have a PhD in
psychology, psychotherapy or
counselling. Who is providing
oversight for what he is doing?
What if he is damaging fragile

How is he qualified to provide
so called therapy, when he has a
history of having sex with his

This is a ridiculous situation,
and Brad is correct to comment on

Anonymous said...

"I only go after him so much because he represents himself as Zen and he does have a legitimate lineage."

Okay, now I'm beginning to understand your obsession with Genpo. It's commonly known that your teacher is not really taken seriously in Japan.

As for Genpo, I just wonder if his organization is a non-profit with tax-exempt status. I'd personally like to see him pay some back taxes on all the money he made from Big Mind.

Anonymous said...

"Right!" said Fred.

Brad Warner said...

It's commonly known that your teacher is not really taken seriously in Japan.

What? Who knows that? What on Earth could this statement possibly mean?

Nishijima Roshi was a very outspoken critic of the Soto-shu. So the Soto-shu kind of ignores him. They may be sorry for having sanctioned him in the first place.

But what does it mean to be "really taken seriously in Japan?" And who is doing the non-doing of this thing?

Brad Warner said...

Amy said:

But can YOU do it? Or is this post just a sham?

Hey, if you actually want to send me $375 a year...

But yes. It is a joke.

Your Dad said...

Anon wrote

It's commonly known that your teacher is not really taken seriously in Japan.

Your mom is not taken seriously in Japan!

Anonymous said...

come on! everybody knows that if you're anybody you've *got* to be Big in Japan.

Anonymous said...

RS48 - Philosophical Counseling

Our guest Lou Marinoff joins us to discuss philosophical counseling, a recent trend to use philosophy as a type of talk therapy. Now, despite the provocative title of his best-selling book, “Plato, Not Prozac!: Applying Eternal Wisdom to Everyday Problems,” the idea is actually not to replace psychiatric medications with chats about the ancient Greeks. Rather, as he puts it in the introduction to the volume, you should take your medications if you really need them, but once your brain is back to a normal functionality you will likely still be faced with the same existential problems that plague most human beings. And that’s where philosophy might help.

Lou Marinoff is the Chair of the Department of Philosophy at The City College of New York and a founder of the American Philosophical Practitioners Association. His other books include "The Middle Way: Finding Happiness in a World of Extremes" and "Therapy for the Sane."

Brad Warner said...

Your Dad, that is a much better response. I should have gone that route. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

"Rather, as he puts it in the introduction to the volume, you should take your medications if you really need them, but once your brain is back to a normal functionality you will likely still be faced with the same existential problems that plague most human beings"

At most, the drugs are like those charger pad that shock your heart back into functioning a little bit. Nothing more. To be used only in the most dire of situations.

Anonymous said...

"Commonly known"

By whom?

"Taken seriously in Japan"

By whom?

And what does that matter? THEY don't TAKE him SERIOUSLY? So what?

You can take whoever you want seriously.

Hell, I even take Mysterion seriously. I'm often not rewarded for it, as his posts often devolve into pure babble, but I wait for each post and allow each post to stand on its merits.

But I digress.

skatemurai said...

On videos of that BigMind guy it seems like he's just agree with everything anybody says to him. Win-win situation, now gimme my money! I saw one video and know that I don't trust him single thing. I feel kind of sad for these people.


I never knew that Brad and Mercel had debated before!

YouTube video of their debate: LINK

Mysterion said...

Come on...

When it comes to Budokan, everybody knows that means "Refuge" (a.k.a. safe haven)*.

*Anzen Chitai

Playlist HERE

Current reality HERE

p.s. that's his ex-wife on keyboards - they are still friends after all these years.

You see, real buddhists© accept sex© and the change of bed partners as a part of "everything in flux."

That is why is is the purest form of morality© in what we mislabel "religions."

Mark Foote said...

The lineage thing leaves much room for thought.

I think it's hard to talk about the practice in a way that people find useful. As I've said before, being able to do something doesn't mean being able to explain the thing that's being done in a way that someone else can put to use. Who can say where the petal will land, as it leaves the branch? Even in the case of Merzel, if one doesn't have a lineage to contest.

I ask myself, am I really talking to myself here, because only if I am speaking to myself and saying something I've never heard before will a really big movement happen! :)

Mysterion said...

in you really need a wireless lav.

the audio sucks.

also acoustical treatment of the room would not hurt.

Since I retired (for the fifth time), this is what I have been doing on the side...

Saw this article from a tweet said...

All of these discussions on here and fine, but my whole thing is that Genpo is so blatantly doing this crap and it's so clearly a ripoff/money grab. The gall of this man is amazing.

Mysterion said...

"The lineage thing" counts for those who count it.

It's like buying a diamond without GIA Certification. If you know what you are doing, you can buy a good uncertified diamond at a reasonable price. However, since 99.9995% of consumers have no clue, they are better off paying more and going for the certified gemstone.

If fact were an issue, they would be MUCH better off in not buying a diamond at all!

When it comes to Zen Masters©, it is thought to be better (by many) to go with a board-certified ~guru~ than a homeless mendicant.

Of course, Gautama Shakyamuni departed from his palace and life of luxury to become a homeless mendicant. So by taking the advice of the many, the probability of becoming a true Buddhist is 0.00000025% or less.

Therefore, to discover what Buddhism reveals, just f*cking WAKE UP. You have always been there - from before your birth until after your death.

Clem Trout said...

aniDear Odo-san:

I would have signed up in an instant but I spent all my money on the NINTH of December seeing Metallica at the Fillmore. AWESOME show. The good news is I received dharma transmission when Rob Halford joined the band to sing "Rapid Fire"!!

Best of luck with the Big Swindle. Keep on rocking' in the free world!

p.s. Hope you don't mind that I referred to you s "Odo-san" but since I received transmission from the God of Metal himself I figure we're bros now, right?

scmgeek said...

@Mike Dolan Fliss: tacos & The Munchies. Part of the thread holding humanity together. Stay focused man, tuna & bread.

Mysterion said...

I'm helping Brad with this one.

He'll make you one with 1.

He needs LEVELS - OZ

OZ 0 - $0.01 a month
OZ 1 - $0.11 a month
OZ 2 - $1.11 a month
OZ 3 - $11.11 a month
OZ 4 - $111.11 a month
OZ 5 - $1,111.11 a month
OZ 6 - $11,111.11 a month

and the much coveted

OZ 7 - $111,111.11 a month
(reserved for RICH Hollywood Stars, Corporate CEOs, Hedge Fund Managers, & Lobbyists).

Anonymous said...

What does OZ 2 get me? That's what I'd come in on.

Mysterion said...

OZ 0 - assistant subordinate helper

OZ 1 - assistant subordinate

OZ 2 - subordinate

OZ 3 - assistant underling helper

OZ 4 - assistant underling

OZ 5 - underling

OZ 6 - assistant minion

OZ 7 - minion

A subordinate (mid 15th century) is derived from M.L. subordinatus "placed in a lower order, made a subject of." From Latin sub "under" + ordinare "arrange." You would become a subject of the order as reflected in a letter to you (S + V) in which you are the S.

It's quite an honor, really.

OUCH! I just bit my tongue!

Mysterion said...

I am an OZ 3 myself.

OZ 3 - assistant underling helper - a helper of an assistant assistant who is subject to the authority or control of an underling. Works slavishly in the department of redundancy department cleaning waste baskets.

OZ 4 - assistant underling - an assistant assistant who is subject to the authority or control of an underling. Works in the department of redundancy department.

OZ 5 - underling - an assistant who is subject to the authority or control of another - from **old norse** [unter], [+ling] to form a diminutive thereof.

Jeeze... we could START something here, if we aren't careful!

Anonymous said...

"He's a terminal juvenile and don't expect more. Vow to avoid BRad."

"Your mom is a terminal juvenile!"

Jeez you surprised me with this one brad! You have more insight that I thought. It is VERY true my mom is a terminal juvenile. Takes knowing one to see one. Keep wasting your and others time. I really wish you would convert to conservative fundamental Christianity. You might it a better fit.

Anonymous said...

Lets waste more time. Watch my Video. Fuck off brad.

Sean said...

I'll cast my vote for Brad Warner Land, as @Brian mentions - even more fun, if I get to run one of the concession stands.... >><<

There must be better examples of Zen in business, no?

Sean said...

And ooooooh is that some anonymous mud-slinging I see, from above - here from my own little mud pit? Well, far be it from me to entertain myself with that, it just sounds mean-spirited to me.

Zenleo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zenleo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
deTerrence said...

I generally find your posts(and the one book I've read so far) to be interesting and enlightening.

I find your apparent attachment to the endless crusade against Genpo quite boring and uninspiring. I guess it just doesn't fit with me that a zen master could be so full of bile.

Mumon said...

Thanks Brad. I really feel bad though for the folks in Utah, who deserve better than this.

proulx michel said...

Oh well! Here in Montpellier, we have this guy, the Only Real Zen Master in All the World, who, although he is a dharma heir of Niwa Zenji (nr 89) gives himself the number 83, because he so much wants to. When he deigns giving the kyosaku around, if anyone should not ask for it, he gets damn incensed, because "he has such great ki!" Kyosaky is facultative, but when HE gives it, it is adviseable to ask for it.
I mean, frauds are everywhere and we should not laugh about them?

Anonymous said...

Ok, so if I PayPal Brad $1.11 a month, I get to be a subordinate in his empire. Cool!

Other than the title, what do I get for my $1.11 - or rather what do I get to do for Brad?

It already seems like I should pay him a bunch for getting to post on his blog like this.

Mysterion said...


not just a subordinate, but one who is specifically "placed in a lower order."

Remember the Latin under + ordinare. You are placed beneath the ordinary thus humbling self on the path to nowhere with nothing to show for it.

In Zen terms, what could be better? only absolutely nothing - empty of all pretenses. thus you are ALREADY closer to nirvana than I.


Mysterion said...

p.s. the people who pay the most have the farthest to go. sad, but true.

Anonymous said...

Brad must really be pissed of that he is stuck in OHIO. He venting on Genpo. Projecting all over the place. like fire hose. Putting out fires.

Anonymous said...

farthest to go?

what if you bumped into Milrepa during the 1st part of his life?

what about the bodhissatvas who have vowed to be in last place, like avalokitesvara?

Projector said...

Those who point to others "projecting" are usually just projecting.

Anonymous said...

true dat, projector. true dat.

Seagal Rinpoche said...

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.

Anonymous said...


Tom Twitter said...

Just shit my pants, literally. #embarrassed

Mysterion said...

pay nothing at all and you are already there!

Anonymous said...

You will all worship THE MIGHTY SOCK MONKEY!!

I liked Brad better when he was part of the Tai Kwan Leep School. Fewer Ed Grubermans.

Anonymous said...

God this Genpo thing is getting really tired.

Anonymous said...

Mysterion, you just may have something there :)

Zippy Rinpoche said...

There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!

Anonymous said...

more in-depth intellectual intuitive dharma discourse going on Brads blog I see.

He's even lowered himself to going after commenters mothers. Shame shame. He's the zen spiritualists 1%.

Anonymous said...

c.1370, from stem of O.Fr. complaindre "to lament," from V.L. *complangere, orig. "to beat the breast," from L. com- intensive prefix + plangere "to strike, beat the breast," from PIE base *plag- "to strike." Older sense of "lament" died out 17c.

Anonymous said...

Seagal Rinpoche:Brad Warner::Taigu:Jundo

Anonymous said...

clap clap clap

Mysterion said...

Sometimes, life is so painful that people will pay thousands to escape.

And what do they escape to?

Season 7, Grade 3, Section B Episode 1, Part 1... [it's 10 minutes long, but stick with it.]

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

THIS GUY is a living Buddha if ever there was one!

He was on TV with his series (on and off) for seven years and the shows were topical [like Aya Ueto as the boy born into a girl's body*], socially changing, and extremely well thought out!

The Gender Identity Disorder condition is not kinky transgender thing.

Aya Ueto's best MOVIE

Spoiler - final fight

staging the flaming sword

everybody that showed up to watch the filming of the final fight (modeled after the great western showdown) in Azumi was dressed up as an extra and killed off in the movie... The entire set was completely destroyed!!! Rent the DVD. The Japanese really know how to throw a PARTY! (that's just another escape, too)

CAPCHA = conspi

TerryW said...

"Azumi"! Now that's a fun movie to watch!

Anonymous said...


BRAD WARNER IS sean hannity

Mysterion said...


FAUX SNews would never cover someone as pleasant as Aya Ueto

or unpleasant as Dennis Mertzel


Mysterion said...

Nor would the FAUX chicken hawks report marines raping school girls.

Is it Okinawa?

Or is it marines raping school girls on Okinawa - like Kendrick Ledet.

every story has a happy ending

Michael Brown, 46

Staff Sgt. Tyrone L. Hadnott, 38

Major Michael J. Brown

It's past time to CLOSE the marine base on Okinawa. Write to your congressman (or woman).

- #116 - (Ran) said...

Brad Clark @ 10:00 am says: -

What is it about religion and frauds?”.

- It’s very easy to cheat because the great majority don’t see what they get, and naturally part of the audience is quite naive in the first place.

r said...

This is the best post I’ve read on Brad’s blog for some time, but I suspect he did not write most of it by himself.

john e mumbles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
R said...

Brad doesn’t say, - but it seems the original on Genpo’s site appeared on the 8th of December.

Fox News said...

Just like old times: Ran not getting the joke, and Mysterion posting random crap nobody cares about (seriously, who hits those links?).

What's next, An3drew regaining access to the computer lab at the nursing home?


David B said...

"He's even lowered himself to going after commenters mothers. Shame shame."

I don't want to live on this planet anymore...

Anonymous said...

...then pay very close attention to everything that happens!

Mysterion said...

#116 sed:
"part of the audience..."

that would be a LARGE part here in the US.

Anonymous said...

The Kingdom of God is Within You

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Big Swindles...

Mysterion said...

Lew Rockwell... LOL

Anonymous said...

I can definitely see Brad on Fox news.

Anonymous said...

Wow! he really did go after a mom. Jeez.. I have to say that really bothers me.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Here's some intelligent discourse on the matter at hand if you're tired of Brads ego striven rants.

R said...

What joke was it that I didn’t get, FN? [- @ 6:40 am, - i.e.]

+ said...

- What happened to that mom in the end? - Is she OK?

- I didn’t get that either.

R said...

- Just in case FN wasn’t the only one who didn’t get my point @ 6:06 am: - Genpo quite clearly had his message uploaded intentionally just that on that day.

(- Perhaps he thought John Lennon’s memory would contribute to his teaching; - or perhaps he knew Brad was just about to post his shit here, - so he harried up and posted it two days ahead, - to make sure he’d be the one cashing in first.)

Brad Warner said...

He's even lowered himself to going after commenters mothers. Shame shame. He's the zen spiritualists 1%.

Your mom is the Zen spiritualists 1%!

Brad Warner said...

By the way, what does "Zen spiritualist 1%" mean? I can't even guess that one.

Anonymous said...


Houdini said...

In the Spiritualist Community, Zen Spiritualists comprise only 1%; the rest are various other creeds,sects, cults, etc.

The all love the table tapping, tho.

And the ectoplasm. Your Mom loves the ectoplasm!

Zippy Rinpoche said...

When you hang your laundry out to dry, flap each towel in the breeze for as long as it takes you to understand the ontological categories of being, and the concurrent non-emergent dualities of space-time.

Mysterion said...

In the Spiritualist Community, all sects of Buddhism combined represent less than 1/2 of 1%. Zen Buddhists must be 1/100th of THAT. (or 0.001%).

That would be maybe 1 in 100,000.

IMO even 1 in 100,000 is over-representation to the max.

Mysterion said...

I know, 0.0005% but that's a tough concept...

Anonymous said...

It's 99% Catholic, right?

Fred said...

My grandparents were Spiritualists.
I didn't know that there was a Zen
branch. I thought that the Buddha
taught that there is no enduring

Mr. Reee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Reee said...

Brad, Brad, you need to think big. BIG.

I've been away studying the techniques of our highly esteemed financial masters (i.e., the crisis in Europe/MF Global/etc.) and believe me, they've got it all figured out.

Screw starting up a cult--too much effort. You need to start selling derivative Zen futures. Leveraged Enlightenment. Credit Default Swaps on Satori Debt.

Don't worry if you don't actually understand what those terms really mean. No one else does either. Can't go wrong.

Married, responsible adult said...

Can you fucking believe that incest scene in "Boardwalk Empire"?

Excalibur said...

Nextcalibur will get you now here.

Granpa said...

Your grandma's a zen spiritualist!

Grandma said...

Is that good or bad?

Grandcalibur said...

How grand are you?

150 said...

hunnerd fittie

151 said...

and still counting

152 said...

- Why? - You wonnabe 153?

153 said...

No problem.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Amitabha Buddha. Namo Buddha.