Monday, September 01, 2008

BAD BUDDHISM (part a million)

I was answering some e-mails today from loyal readers of my books and this blog. One guy asked me about the signs that one may be approaching satori or kensho (i.e. Enlightenment).

Y'know when people talk about their Enlightenment experiences or other big deal events in their meditation practice it just sounds to me like someone bragging about their sex life. Sure, on some level I might enjoy hearing it and I might be able to use it as fodder for fantasies. But it really does me no good. Plus the main intention on the part of the speaker is to make you jealous. Exactly the same with Enlightenment stories.

In any case, he pointed me to a website listing what some other Buddhist organization tells their adherents are the signs of progress in the practice. Now folks, I don't give a hoot how ancient and revered and sacred any of this stuff is. It's awful and it's dangerous. Here are a few of the things I found on the site — cut and pasted right from the page itself. Remember these are considered signs of progress.

• At times there are feelings of distress of varying intensity.

• Some meditators may be much disturbed by visions or hallucinations.

• There may be a feeling of coolness or dizziness and the hairs of the body may stand on end.

• There may be violent shaking as if the bed is going to turn upside down.

• Nausea and at times actual vomiting may occur.

• Diarrhea may occur.

• The meditator itches all over his body. He feels as if he has been bitten by ants or small insects, or he feels as though they are climbing on his face and body.

Yikes! Look. This is definitely not the kind of Buddhism I am talking about. If you find any of this stuff occurring during zazen, you need to take a break. At best these are signs of a practice that is too ambitious. At worst they're signs you might want to consult a physician or psychiatrist. If you're seeing a Buddhist teacher who encourages this stuff my recommendation is to run away as fast as you can.

One of the problems with the current state of Buddhism is that all kinds of crazy shit has been mixed together. Buddhists, particularly in the west, are generally so unfamiliar with Buddhism that they imagine all its teachers are one big, happy family. When you take the precepts too literally you can feel like you're not allowed to be critical of any kind of garbage as long as that garbage is labeled as Buddhism. Sorry. It don't work like that.

I get concerned that people read my stuff and then run across crap like this, they don't know the difference and assume I'm pimping for guys who think enlightenment is the same as what happens to the folks on skid row when they shoot up some really bad heroin. So if you take nothing at all else away from this, just know that I, for one, don't consider this kind of stuff a sign of meditative progress.

Have a nice Labor Day!


one said...

1 !!!

(lots of words about to follow...)

osama van halen said...

Some of those "signs" sound like the symptoms of spiritual seekers who go to India and get a bad case of Delhi Belly. Perhaps bacteria make someone enlightened the same way that mitichlorians make someone a Jedi.

Anonymous said...

hahaha, sounds like one should lay into a huge pile of hot Mexican and or curry before sitting and trying to gain Enlightenment.


grisom said...

For those curious, the source is probably this page. I know Brad chose not to link to it for various reasons; sorry, Brad.

It's worth noting that most—though not all!—of the quoted "signs" are explicitly identified on the page as "defilements", and come with this explanation:

The Ten Imperfections of Insight (vipassanupakilesas):
An inexperienced meditator may be confused by any of the following experiences, mistakenly believing that he or she has reached nibbana. Though not in themselves obstacles, the meditator may be tempted to cling to these experiences, believing them to be important, rather than continuing to note the arising and passing away of mental and physical phenomena in the present moment. At such time the guidance of a teacher is invaluable.

Mysterion said...

Satori = understanding

If you "get it" with a koan, that's a satori. Hame with 'getting' a pun. That's a satori too.

"Enlightenment" is - like the Peter Seller's movie - 'Being There.' (meaning right HERE and right NOW)

You have always been 'There' it is just a matter of realization. Enlightenment isn't yesterday or tomorrow. It's NEVER yesterday or tomorrow. It's only RIGHT NOW.

That's why enlightenment is never 'just a little further,' or 'just a little ahead' anymore than it is 'just a little more to the left.'

It's a tough thing to realize, but there is only here and now. Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a dream. Live in memories and grow sorrow, live in dreams and grow anxiety and disappointment. Live NOW and nurture bliss.

Deposit $2 at the door...



Anonymous said...

"... and assume I'm pimping for guys who think enlightenment is the same as what happens to the folks on skid row when they shoot up some really bad heroin"

Actually, the enlightenment signs you mentioned sound like GOOD heroin. Really bad heroin just makes you DEAD!

I'm not advocating junkiedom kids:)

Anonymous said...

Actually, Brad misread or misquoted the page. The list he printed is describing Makkyo (hallucinations and perceptual distortions that arise during the course of intensive meditation and can be mistaken by the practitioner).

Anonymous said...

It is like a lot of the information on Buddhism you get from Brad's writings. Half trustworthy and half his own hallucinations.

Jinzang said...

The info on the site seems to be taken from the abhidharma commentaries. In other words, the work of scholars and not practitioners and not packaged in a way that will be helpful to practitioners.

The stuff Brad quotes is from the section "The Ten Imperfections of Insight" and is not meant as signs of progress. This is the similar to the stuff that gets called Zen sickness and, as Brad says, is the result of practicing too hard.

There's a lot of info in books and on the web that is too easily misunderstood. That's why you should have a teacher, to help you make sense of it all.

Mysterion said...

anonymous said...
"It is like a lot of the information on Buddhism you get from Brad's writings. Half trustworthy and half his own hallucinations."

Dear anonymous:

Brad writes what Brad writes. What you expect Brad to write is your expectation, not his.

Everything is a distortion, your perceptions, his perceptions, my perceptions.

Therefore, your perception of what Brad wrote is based upon the distortions of your being, as well as his. So what's the point? Read Brad or don't. Consider what Brad had to write or don't. It makes no difference whatsoever to Brad, and even less to me.

But the frosting on the cake is the very use of the word "trustworthy" in a Buddhist context. ROFL



the hobbyist said...

furiously folding complex yet complementary origami (in love)

obizen said...

I see many others have noticed that Brad's 'sign's of enlightenment list' is actually a list of defilements or makyo and as such, are better described as signs you are on the wrong track.

Buddhist teachers one big happy family? Obviously not all. But...I understand it was or perhaps still is common practice for soto zennists and rinzai zennists to spend time at temples of the other sect. Some teachers encourage this. Mine did. Just more of Brad's tired sectarianism.

So, the ONLY reason anyone would mention any sort of satori experience is to brag? Brad should know. His 'experience on the bridge' is a transparent attempt to claim satori for himself...though he makes a point of not calling it that...a rose by any other name....

Just because that may have been his own reason for mentioning such experiences, it doesn't follow that this is everyone's motivation. Again, more projection on Brad's part. A stated reason for discussing satori experiences (and anyone at all familiar with general zen literature will know that it is chock full of them) is to inspire those beginning their practice. To show them what is possible.

Listening to and reading Brad's pov, it would be easy to assume that Soto zen is mainstream buddhism or mainstream zen. To those that really want to know, you will find that the Lin Chi (rinzai) sect is far larger in the wider world of buddhism. Lin chi was by far the largest sect in china, so much that it became synonomous with chan itself. Most zen in China, Korea and Vietnam is some form of Lin chi zen. Nor is Dogen the 'founder' of soto zen, as I believe Brad erroneously mentioned in the CNN interview. The Tsao Tung (jap. soto) sect was a minor chinese chan sect and Tung Shan is considered the founder. Dogen merely brought it to Japan.

It is considered very bad form for a living zen teacher to go by the title of 'zen master'. Most of the time this title is only used posthumously. Perhaps Brad didn't know CNN would introduce him this way, but in any case he should have pointed out that he was only a teacher of zen, not a 'master'.

Brad writes well. His insight is genuine. BUT, lots of zen practitioners have some degree of insight and can talk or write well. This does not qualify them to be a teacher of zen, much less a zen master. His case points up the problems with the soto transmission style. Since soto tends to either deny the existence or importance of satori or insight into the nature of reality, there is no standard to judge when a student is ready to teach others. Thus, it is common for soto teachers (including Suzuki roshi) to give transmission to family members, even if they do not practice zazen.

In my opinion, Brad is simply not ready to be a teacher. He may be someday, but not now. Before his disciples jump up and down too much, please remember the criticism I offer here is very mild compared to that which Brad dishes out to other teachers. I've been sitting many years longer than Brad and I do not consider myself qualified to teach zen and have refused entreaties to take that role for many years. Read the story of Master Bassui. Though he'd been given dharma transmission in the rinzai sect, he refused to teach others for over a decade. When too many people gathered around him and insisted he become their teacher, he would slip away in the night. He did this until he felt himself ready. Many other zen teachers today, both soto and rinzai, would do well to follow Bassui's example.

Anonymous said...

"It is considered very bad form for a living zen teacher to go by the title of 'zen master'. Most of "

Here we go again.
Who considers it bad form? I've met many people with the title of Zen Master.

Why you choose not to teach will be revealed later?

i see peep holes said...

Soto and Rinzai, apples and oranges.

don't bite into that orange as if it were an apple and don't try squeezing that halved apple with the juicer.

different personalities fare better with different approaches,
nothing wrong or bad.

enjoy the 'buddhist family lineage' you find yourself in. Go visit other 'families'
Find a teacher who tells you the truth.
Find where you belong, then find where you have always and will always belong.

enjoy the buddhist family lineage you find yourself in

Anonymous said...

Some of the teachers in this lineage are pretty great. Don't let Brad put you off. Take a look at Jundo at That's a wonderful online Sangha worth a look, with a good teacher and friendly community. And, if in the UK, Michael Luetchford, who I have known for many years. A different cup of tea for everyone.

michael bardan said...


do yourself a favor and go to another sesshin.

whatever clarity of mind the one you did a week ago or so entailed in you is fukken gone now and this last post is so stupid and beyond retarded that i for one am at a loss of criticism [constructive or destructive], so i'll plead again with you along obizen's line of advice:

get a REAL teacher and SIT more often.

you have a fukken huge responsibility, because you do have an audience with the young, very impressionable crowd and for you to send people to a psychiatrist because they experience MILD MAKYO is beyond irresponsible, it's sick even by godzilla standard:z!

at least send them to jinzyboy, he'll only poison them with some stronzium, but the fukken white coats will put your "overzealous newbie zezennies" on fukken lithium and that's not a heavy metal like in the music genre, you punk ass, that's worse than kriptonite and superman spinal injury combined!

fukken retarded master of imbecility you are tonight.

if you read this before you go partying with your latest suicide girl, lock yourself in the fucking closet and sit yaza until dawn, you stupid fuck, then print up an addendum to say, i'm a stupid fuck, i never really know what i say, nor do i listen to anyone who tells me gently or not so gently that i'm stupid, but i take back this shit i said where i talk about makyo like it's got anything to do with kensho whatsoever.

or better yet, say i'm a stupid soto fuck and we don't believe in kensho, so i can't comment on anything re: what might happen along the way to breaking through the smoke and mirror:z!

for the 3rd time, let me type some insults at you in shakespearean, maybe then you'll comprehend how retarded you truly are with this latest post of yours:

you lump of foul deformity, you're a plague sore with all eyes and no sight, all the infections that the sun sucks up are not enough for you tonight, o gull, o dolt, as ignorant as dirt, you're false of heart, light of ear, bloody of hand!

THOU ART A BOIL, you rampallian, you fustilarian, i do desire we may be better stranger:z, you self-anointed sovereign of sighs and groans, a quintessence of dust, a canker-blossom and poisonous back'd toad, you are a fusty nut with no kernel!

michael bardan said...

shit, i am so distraught over your stupid stupid stupid post that i have to post WITHOUT PERMISSION some teaching to counteract this idiocy you blurted out today, teaching that showed up in front of me just now, because that's how the bodhisattvas work, they put shit in front of you when you need to cut and paste for a good reason:

HARA (re: getting SICK along the way)

"We are constantly being urged to practice “as if
from our hara,” or to “place our attention in the
hara.” Why all this emphasis on the belly, in
that vital center two or three finger widths below
the navel?
This stress on the hara comes down to us from
none less than the great Zen master Hakuin,
who through his own experience realized that
if the practice is not done from our hara, then
we are much more likely to develop physical
tension, particularly in the upper body, and to
wind up practicing with force rather than with
gentle, grounded intention. Hakuin, and also
his Dharma heir Torei Enji, whose Vow of the
Bodhisattva we chant daily, both “painted themselves
into a corner” through a driving, physically
intense way of practice. Both reached
a point of such tension as to become ill; both
ended up with the doctors of the time throwing
up their hands. Torei Enji was told that even if
he did survive he would die young because of
his condition; Hakuin’s doctors gave up on him,
period. It wasn’t until Hakuin came upon (so he
writes) a mountain hermit who taught him a way
of bringing his energy down into his hara and
keeping it there, that he recovered. From then
on he emphasized to his students that practice
must be centered in the hara.
Interestingly, the Sino-Japanese character for
“hara” has, as so many of those kanji do, more
than one meaning or sense. The dictionary records
the usual: “abdomen, stomach, bowels.”
But it also includes a second set of meanings,
which include “heart, mind, intention”—important
aspects in practice. When entering into the
wordless search for our True Being or for the
answer to our koan, to rest our attention in the
hara is also to bring forth an intention beyond
words, a silent search for the Truth. This is the
Truth experienced through the heart-mind, not
reachable through the intellect, and is what lies
“beyond words and letters,” as Bodhidharma
(and the Buddha) so well expressed it.
We Westerners are more trained to live from
our heads rather than our heart-minds—though
some assume that “heart-mind” means lots of
emotional stuff—the scene in the movie where
the heroine dies in the arms of her beloved
moments after they finally find each other. (It
doesn’t.) Unless we have unusual parents,
we’re taught to value what we can learn intellectually
over what we can learn through intuition—
even as great minds such as Albert Einstein
made their discoveries only when they dropped
beneath their thinking, calculating minds into
the deep quiet beneath. (Recently it seems,
the new brain research, armed with new imaging
tools that allow real time investigation of
brain processes, has discovered that in order to
reach an “Aha!” moment, the rational side of the
brain must be allowed to quiet down—at which
point, the opposite side of the brain lights up
like a Christmas tree with electrical activity, indicating
lots is going on there. Only then comes
that “Aha!”) This is how koans are solved.
In order to bring forth this work beyond our usual
rational ways of being, it’s particularly effective
to train oneself from the beginning—despite
the difficulty it may present—to practice with our
mind seated in our hara. Once mastered, it is a
powerful means to living in the moment, to living
centered, less pulled around by circumstance—
and to eventually finding out personally and experientially,
who and what we really are."

Anonymous said...

"As I see it, there isn't so much to do. Just be ordinary - put on your robes, eat your food, and pass the time doing nothing"
-Master Linji, Teaching 18

Doesn't sound like a guy chasing satori to me. Do Japanese Rinzai practitioners actually study the teachings of Linji? I don't get it. Neither do I much care. But since someone else brought it up...

As far as I see it, there really is no Path for me to teach you about. If you need to do something, do it. If not, give yourself a rest.
-Master Linji, Teaching 21

Doesn't sound like a guy recommending "a teacher to fix your problems", like a certain rinzai fellow from San Diego seems to believe.

Anonymous said...

Some of this stuff is known to arise during Kundalini. In fact during Kundalini a lot of freaky stuff like this is considered "normal". It's just part of the sensory overload that Kundalini represents. It passes.

Outside of Kundalini, Delhi-Belly is more likely...

Anonymous said...

Kundalini is pretty unmistakable and often as much unpleasant as it is pleasant.

You never know what you are going to get until it is too late.

proulx michel said...

Interesting that Bardan would say I remind him of Louis de Funès since I'm the least Funès-like person you could imagine. Even more so since I'm not very funny.

By the way, Bardan(e) is French for burdock. And it really seems that once you've got some burdock upon your sweater, there's no getting rid of it...

Anonymous said...

We're all buddhists. F the rules, f this site, f sitting. Where are you going? Zen is a big joke. I'm not dismissing it, just please understand the huge amount of humor all of this. There's more zen in the average house cat than in any of us. Get it?

proulx michel said...

Anony mouse said:
There's more zen in the average house cat than in any of us. Get it?

Sure. That's why cats need no one to learn Zen. But we're not cats...

babbles said...

It is interesting that when I think Brad is attempting to be sincere by giving out these sorts of warnings, there are people who will vilify these warnings and make Brad out to be a complete imbecile. And, as far as I can tell, for no reason other than just for the sake of doing so. Rather silly, I think.

It does not matter where those items came from. Nor does it matter if they may be considered minor or major or whatever. The point is that these types of feelings should not be confused with satori. I'm not really sure why this necessarily has to be argumentative for people.

michael bardan said...

let's try to spell it out as slowly as we can for y'all:

if you have SATORI in your mind in any way shape or form, even a whiff of the idea THIS IS SATORI, then THAT is as FAR AWAY from satori is it can possibly be imagined.

if you SIT there with the idea oh wow lookat me, i gots all the signs of SATORI FLU, this is IT, this is IT, only 5 more seconds on this cushion for me and then i'm done, you are a gazillion kalpa:z away at that very moment from even a bloody shallow kensho, let alone satori of any fucking kind, which you cannot attach of course any KIND of adjective to satori and so it goes.

now be decent enough if you want to have a talk about KENSHO to at least understand MAKYO.

if you practice in a lineage that doesn't give a shit about either of these CONCEPTS, because after all they are CONCEPTS and they need to be let go of as well, then fucking have the decency to either admit up on top of your blog that you're a stupid fuck with airs of teacher or just like hang up the goddam hat and go fuck a suicide girl, ie get laid already because evidently you haven't even gotten over yuka leaving you, you stupid shit.

as far as listening to babbles sucking up to you, jump in the goddam well holding hand:z with him, mebbe then you'll have an alpha level kensho.

to think someone compared you guys with rock and trees, fucking insulting.

テリ said...

Brad sees the world from his own perspective--as do we all. He shares his point of view--which I appreciate since mine is different.

The same is true of Michael Bardan. But I enjoy Brad's words more.

Obizen thinks Brad is not ready to be a teacher. But Brad *is* a teacher--as is anyone who shares their views with others.

In the end, he's just a guy who's sharing his unique point of view and we who read his words can decide what makes sense to us and what doesn't.

Or am I missing something?

michael bardan said...

now lets discuss linji, of which thich nhat hahn (i too am not sure of how many H's i should put in there, even tho my wife is viet'kong) is sort of part of (tho he's more in france than over the I15 freeway symmetrically situated in "opposition" of where i used to practice and i may still one day, but not just this moment).

nothing to do, nowhere to go.

absofukkenlutely. i mean what better way to illustrate this philosophy than blogging.

who blogs?

folks with nothing to do (because they are professional losers IRL) and nowhere to go (because when you're a loser, where the fuck does the money to travel come from?-)

oh, wait, yes, from the stupid sangha, that is if you're smart enough to know how to raise some dough from folks willing to pay for water being sold by the river.

brad obviously ain't that smart, because he remains poor as dirt and uses that as PROOF I'VE GOT IT, see because if i'm poor AND gots useless transmission, that makes me a TEACHER.

obizen is way more articulate that i could ever be in conveying this point: i know you're hot and shit with the young crowd because you're playing bass in a punk band, whatever, but bro, don't play with teaching bullshit in the matter of life and death, because the bad karma you accumulate in this process will be royally worse than what you think you've been through with losing a few loved ones in your life.

i hear folk here marveling up and down about how you keep going in spite of all this suffering you've pulled through and i'm here to tell you what a guy told me while i was all whining about losing my soulmate and some such bullshit coupled with the white coats made me drool on cement floors and eat my own sperm so much regressed they made me on their wonder drugs:


so don't sit up there on the throne of your hill street thinking you can teach, because YOU CANNOT.

at least not now.

maybe 10 years later.

but right now all you can do is be a sitting buddy for a bunch of folk who are too poor and uninterested to look for real teachers.

good for you you went on fucking CNN of all places to preach the dharma.

are you fucking insane?

ted turner and his wyoming cows are a billion times more zen than you, man.

wipe your got milk mustache off and get a teacher.

for you there is LOTS to do and LOTS of places to go, before you can talk about linji.

michael bardan said...

finally to give you something so you can practice seriously on your stupid little cushion, since you cannot stop your goddam thoughts about satori and shit, next time you're on the cushion, think about this:

satori is just a thing to entice you to get into a frame of mind where when you get there, EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE LIBERATED,


now fucker, let's see you get satori, eh?

and if you're too stupid to imagine the enormity of that, try this one:

imagine your lowly friend with crazy ideas comes to you and pours transparent foam that solidifies cement like while you're sitted "comfortably" on your cushion.

then they cut a hole for your nostrils and none for your mouth, because he'll feed you intravenously, maybe cut a whole for your butthole, so you can pee through your ass.

is that a horror movie idea enough for your next cheap popcorn flick?

okay, then, now imagine listening to 24 period bells before they unfoam you and tell you it was just a fucking joke and a shallow kensho you got while going through that experience.

how's that for talking about a bridge experience, fucker?

michael bardan said...

did i forget to say "all over you?"


the counter said...

i love me 11:05 and 11:08

without timing IT either?

remembah, remembah,
teh fifty eight
of novembah.

Anonymous said...


ermmm. At the risk of bursting your bubble.

6 of those 7 things happenned to me during Kundalini. Fortunately my teacher knew what to do about it when I put in a panic call to him - mostly let it ride.

The ants crawling all over your body thing was intense for 3 days 24hrs a day and then died down a fair bit. The anxiety was on and off for at least the first day and ISTR several days more.

I wasn't expecting it. I didn't know what to expect. Hell, I was just doing small microcosm orbit to help me get through the day.

Many experienced yoga teachers know about Kundalini and the management of it. A few experienced MA teachers will know about it.

You need to get out more and study more because sometimes your ignorance passed of as belief or 'correct' Buddhism is just astonishing.

Master Dogen didn't invent Buddhism and Buddha didn't invent Zazen. This stuff is hardly new or exotic. Kundalini is well documented and has been for centuries - but I don't think Master Dogen mentions it.

Roman G. said...

obizen said:
In my opinion, Brad is simply not ready to be a teacher. He may be someday, but not now. . . . I've been sitting many years longer than Brad and I do not consider myself qualified to teach zen. . . .

If you're not qualified to teach, then you wouldn't be the person to determine the qualifications of those who do.

Anonymous said...

what do I think?

Anonymous said...

Michael Bardan: Before you spout off at the keyboard, sober up and take some time to consider what you have to say. Your comments are an absolute mess with no coherence at all. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

see if you were posting as anonymous anywhere else on the internet but a zen blog where everyone knows you can't hold to an identity and pass through the gateless gate, then i would humor you, but as it is i must point out the only drunk one in here is you.

Anonymous said...

who qualifies people to teach man, some nishijima dude who has to do kinhin at 90 degrees angles or it's incorrect?

obizen is qualified to teach by virtue of the way he wrote that post.


i don't need some anonymous fuck to tell me when the water is cold or hot, i know for myself.

based on 1 paragraph i can tell any of you fuckers who bow down to the altar of godzilla, you'd be lucky to get 1 hour of instruction of obizen whoever the fuck (s)he is.

the degree of retarded sangha that is following this guy around must after all be up to par with the teaching and things are always exactly as they should be, there's no doubt about that 1.

osama van halen said...

Does anyone know if "Michael Bardan" was formerly known as "Mr. Angry"?

michael bardan said...

proulx, zen cannot be learned!

now try remembering how to be a cat and then you won't get all flustered when precisely because you're the antifunny you remind me of that louis de funes clip where he portrays hitler.

& oh, by the way, fuck you and your passive aggressiveness, i now realize this shit is universal among those nishijima transmitted bastard:z!

at least i'm openly asshole, but you guys are all bona fide closet assholes who make use of the dustless mirror zen concept and completely misrepresented in order to be, well, true assholes under the disguise that you're only reflecting assholeness back.

which is why i poke you every which way and jackshit at every corner your "compassion practice" goes right out the windows to reveal your true nature of not reflecting assholeness, but being a petty asshole period.

so then, whose true nature is the true one? my being asshole to you or your realizing you're an asshole to begin with before i gently pointed it out to you?

incoherence now, asshole!

michael bardan said...

mike_h, good for you man that you wrassled with the kundalini snake and knew what to do about it: panic and call your teacher, who then gave you the great instruction to just let it ride.

if you had done correct zazen and knew how to anchor yourself into your hara or even as much as know how to open the energy gates (as taught by taoist master bruce kumar frantzis who i remember even YOU, HOLY MAN, recognize as teaching the real shit and not just bullshit words on a blog type of thing), then you would've spared yourself the phone call AND when you were done with the kundalini trip you would've understood it doesn't hold a flame to a fart in comparison with what true zazen practice can bring to the table.

but no, we gots to sit around here and argue with chiquita bananas and humor the WE'RE ALL ONE CROWD and talk about dance practice like it's true meditation for the bloke who has spent more time TALKING ABOUT SITTING than actually sitting and the sitting they did was all based on BLOG INSTRUCTION that has sex appeal.

jesus christ, man.

if this is the zen you think will help you escape suffering, then i'm gonna go join the mormons, at least i can marry into a harem.

Anonymous said...

OMG this is so freaking hilarious!

Bardan, people are baiting you because they want to make you angry... but that's why you post here in the first place... but now you're the one who's mad, grrrrrr!! Those meddling kids!

It's just a shame that Wilde didn't get to enjoy this.

People with confidence write to be understood. People who fear criticism rely on an awful Hunter Thompson impersonation.

But what do I know? Bardan, prove me wrong! Ignore me! Ignore me!

michael bardan said...

hey, man, i forgot to let y'all know, the govern8or is paying me full time to waste my time on this blog and annoy your teacher.

this is why he paid himself $1, so he can afford me on this blog full time during business hours setting you wimpy wannabe zennies str8.

i'm a paid spammer, you see, with the slight twist that i can get you so depressed that you won't leave your cushion anymore.

hey, i heard brad warner will be approached for a cameo role in schwarzy's 4th sequel of 2oo9, termin8or IV - salvation.

he'll be this godzilla suit advertising for a car wash and some such nuissance will put a hoe through his heart. but then because he's all in his head, he gets to live and then teh govern8or even offers him a job as professional intern groper.

i got sunshine in a bag >:] cue the gorilla:z song here.

michael bardan said...

wow, i'm so baited, watch me melt.

whew, bay-bay, i could like direct the lazer:z in my evil eye towards like the beach and the friggin coronado sands will turn to mirror.

bloke, do you want me to link a mai-tai pic and show you how i post this shit and how many suicide girls are watching in disbelief how shaved headed monks are down here in the mud getting all serious about it all?

whoa, i'm so baited, i feel like a grilled salmon of doubt.

douggy addam:z where are you man when i want to roll my eyes out into your cup of tea?

i should like lololololololol in here so they all like understand me, man, because i'm here to validate my understanding against a comments section.

roll the incoherent credits, kenny!

Anonymous said...


master mike_h

help me, man, help me i'm disintegrating here in a comments section.



woof woof

who let them dawg:z out, eh?

let it ride let it ride

thank you thank you master H, i'm so lucky lucky to have known you on this blog omgomgomg my prickly spine is urging me to think of braddy-chan's rubber godzilla and count them holes, omg

i swear omg master_mikey_h if i survive this BLOG EMERGENCY omg i swear i will never criticize anybody ever again and like clean up my language act and use all mary j blige and theresa language

and like even adopt a bangladesh hungry kid, then eat it, to solve the homeless problem in the world.

christ i swear i'll open my heart to you and your magdalena now, omg omg

michael bardan said...

fucking retard:z!

i puke on your zen archery.

now lemme go bob up and down in the goddam pacific while braddy-chan sits there in the heated kitchen at hill street pondering his navel in fool lotus.

translation said...

eliminate hunger: eat the homeless!

qbitty said...

correction, z-pup, proulx and braddy-chan aren't assholes, it takes a lot of flair to be an asshole and you always end up with the hot women, no, they're mere jerk:z!

kenny said...

don't pull me into this, you bastard:z!

Anonymous said...

sorry for starting/adding a flame war but I always just start hitting "Page Down" whenever I see Michael Bardan's name.

Anonymous said...

you need to start hitting "page down" when you see your own name then.

that would be some kind of practice to help you out of this apologetic hole of suffering you've dug yourself in.

Anonymous said...

re: walker george's over/underestimated levels of pain:

on one hand you don't care i'm right or wrong, on the other you worry i may incorrectly aprehend your levels of pain.

your karma is yours alone to carry, whoever can possibly change it by pointing out to you how much it weighs?

i'm sorry for pointing out to you again just how caught up you are and moreover how scared you are of true pain when and if you will get around to deal with it.

it's not that easy, but it can be done.

so stick with it and stop wondering whether saddam makes i or not, there is no saddam to begin with.

osama van halen said...

So I did some investigating and figured out that "Michael Barden" is "z0tl", "z8tl", etc. and into Tibetan Buddhism and bipolarity but I still don't see any justification for all of the ax grinding. Maybe it's just the bipolar bears clawing at his grey matter.

Anonymous said...

Our dear 'professional spammer' couldn't do a better job of cracking me up if he tried. It's like being in an AOL chat room circa 1993. The guy simply can't NOT respond!

Anya said...

Brad decided to attack someone either dishonestly or ignorantly, depending on how much benefit of the doubt you decide to give him. His whole beef with Vipassana and insight people is rather odd, but it should become clear even to his most ardent followers that they might want to be a bit more leery of his pronouncements.

Jinzang said...

Um, guys? ... If you want Brad to hear your mighty criticisms, you'll have to email him; he's said he doesn't read the comments section. Otherwise you're just ululating along with Mikey B.

Anonymous said...

Y'know, if Michael Bardan had any true knowledge of zen, he'd be quietly content rather than angry that people disagree with him. "He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know."

More over, Bardan would also be wise enough not to waste his time replying to a blogger (Brad) who has already publicly stated he no longer reads the comments section of his own blog due to the vitriolic bullshit those such as Bardan spew forth.

"Incoherence now, asshole ?" Yes, most definitely.

michael bardan said...

i agree 100%.

now that that's behind us, lemme tell you a little bit of snippet about yourself.

when you read an internet comment, there is no way for you to determine if the person writing it is angry or demented or in whatever state of mind you think that person is.

however, it is a perfect way to determine what state of mind you're in.

in other words, if a comment seems to you vitriolic, full of rage, full of hate, etc, you're for sure capable of those very feelings, not only that, you find yourself in that frame of mind WHILE READING SOME WORDS.

now imagine yourself in front of some ACTION that would again in your mind come from someone labeled as you so freely do.

who's liable to overreact then?

i who write a bunch of incisive words or you dear reader who think you know me so well?

michael bardan said...

now that THAT is behind us, you bloody retarded foola cliche:z and inept this is zen, that is not zen:

for you, i recommend TM. and here's your mantra:

"i am an imbecile.

brad is an imbecile.

therefore i am brad."

i changed my mind, nembutsu is too complex for your brain in this iteration.

try this:

on inhale: i suck.

on exhale: i blow.

michael bardan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

brother, brother, your investigative power is like no other.

hey, can someone post myspace madonna cone boob:z pic so this retard gets a clue?

Anonymous said...

jinzy, what up with your hearing it?

that not enough?

did i make my point for the 58th time for you or not?

also, how's that bet running now, maybe you can throw this guy into the mix and give him some better odd:z, neh?

i remember a day when you diagnosed me and proclaimed like the doctor that you are that my neurons will all fry by next friday?

has it been a month yet?


who's counting?

michael bardan said...

here's a better point for you, how about y'all convocate 3 separate psychiatrists, one to represent kaiser permanente, one to represent eli lilly (makers of zyprexa), and one more to represent glaxosmithkline (makers of suicidal ideation generator lamictal).

once you have that psychiatric dream team trifecta, how about we all hold hands and go take some BRAIN SCANS of mikey's fried brain you FUCKERS?

how's that sounding to you?

then we go back to jan 17th, 2oo1 and rediscuss your fucking diagnosis you slapped on my ass and proceeded to ruin my life for the following 6 years until i finally figured out a way to pick myself by the goddam bootstrap:z and snap out of the nightmare you inflicted upon me.

how's that for a delusional plan, my dears?

michael bardan said...

then, when we're done with that process, you can tell me what to do about this itch i have to run an experiment and find out if this country is still founded on justice and freedom for all or that only applies to those with $1B+ in the bank.

i wanna find out if i'm gonna be like the govern8or and give up my 1st citizenship or i'm gonna call it a day in this one nation under a white coated god, because i'm not bringing up a life form into this system where a moronic teacher who's unhappy a child is "oppositionally defiant" has the power to court order their medication into submission.


while i'm human, i speak.

i don't need the 1st amendment to protect that either.

do you think i speak like this for myself, asshole?


i speak like this for all the drooling "retards" who were done over by the psychiatric establishment for daring to experience outside this box.

i speak for your children who are so numbed up by their iPods and Ritalin and theories of autism that when they come out of it, in the rare events they come out of it, they feel like renouncing THIS WORLD, not just this system.

zen masters my ass.

y'all are puppets to pharma and oil dollars. in that order.

pharma first.

oil second.

now go back to your cushion and enjoy your quiet mind while it's still not quieted by lithium bottled water.

michael bardan said...

okay brothers and sisters and trannies too, to dispel the myth that michael bardan is this (tibetan) and michael bardan is that (wei wu wei zentraxian asshole), i have this to say:

i am a lita bit of everything, this is why youse guys have such a hard time pinpointing me as a crocodile locked up in schroedinger's (N+1)-th box. see if only you could get dirichlet to help you out, then mebbe at least you'd be able to coherently approach my asymptotic ass before i assplode into an infinite harmonic of quantum foam [at the mouth].

see y'all tomorro, vacuum project, here i cum!-)

Anonymous said...

obscuring what you mean does not lend validity to anything, and before you say "that's the point" or revel in its pointlessness, or point out that such and such is beyond help--you're not helpful.

and just because you've learned what an antonym is, or have learned how to play "i know you are but what am I" really doesn't put you above or beyond anyone else's understanding of anything. That's not a beautiful point or a clever secret or a wink and a nod, it's just pure fucktardery.

You guys are trying to beat each other with your own dicks and it's completely obliterated any usefulness of the comments section.


enlightenment through toddler emulation. It's tired, it's old, it's worse than anything Brad has ever written.

Anonymous said...

would you like me to take your dick out of your pants and beat you with it?

i'm sorry, you're making no point whatsoever and i'm supposed to understand what you're asking me to do?

i'm sorry, you have no focus to read through 100 comments, but i'm supposed to stop obscuring stuff from you?

i'm sorry, you read every single comment that's meant for someone else like it's directed at you?

i'm sorry, can you get over your self importance before blaming me for destroying the internet (ie, a comment section).

i'm sorry, how much longer do i have to apologize for the ineptitude of readers like you?

i'm sorry, i'm not here to prove my points are valid, i'm here to pass time on death row.

i'm sorry for wasting your time and the fact you feel i'm shoving your fucking face down in this stream of text.

i'm sorry for paying attention to each and every one of you, i know you'd be happier if left to your own devices, ie never challenged about anything, just fed mtv.

i'm sorry for not knowing how to always put it gently to you, lazy reader who cannot be bother with too much scrolling or too much reading or too much of anything really, because while you're accusing someone else of being a toddler, your power of concentration is that of a fruitfly.

fucking iPhone software upgrade takes 36 minutes do download.

twiddles thumb:z oh wait i must be the ultimate loser because i can't stop commenting even though i said i would only comment tomorrow again.

oh wow, i'm so insanely toddlerish and AOL circa 1992 like.

and all my points are invalid and i know nothing about zen. haha.

you win.

George W. said...

"on one hand you don't care i'm right or wrong, on the other you worry i may incorrectly aprehend your levels of pain."

Yep..not consistent...

.ultimately don't really care that much. Just talking or writing...

Like you...

Your Fear of pain comment?

You know nothing about my experiences...(yeah.."my"....)

I wondered about Sadam when I posted..I let it go..don't really care now...

Anonymous said...

did anyone notice the specs of the One Machine up top?

master counter keeps us str8 and lets us know we're all capable of major processing power if only we sit our mind to it.

anyway, wish I break a leg, I'll be meeting with union reps today and try to keep it all business, not hardcore ridiculous zen.

dr. john, mebbe you can update your online iPod mix, so I can lissn to some quality jaZZy tune:z.

ps: talking about letting stuff go is hangin' on to it. also, you do not let things go, you have the patience to sit with them until they let go of you. or you have a true moment of insight to understand and realize there are no things to begin with & so it goes.

Rich said...

I am very sorry for all the pain and suffering that we have experienced. Please cut a small piece from the inside of your robe and carry it with you - expecially into strssful situations. It will give you protection and allow others to see your true wonderful nature. I don't know how this works but it does.

Anonymous said...

you do not let things go, you have the patience to sit with them until they let go of you.

file this one in "Best of Bardan"

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

bar code reader

Anonymous said...

I can believe that piece of robe part, but I have my birthday robe/suit underneath at all time:z, no need for patches really. I woulda heeded your advice, alas I read it too late.

Rich said...

It's no problem. It's the intent that counts. Only try , try , try.

intent said...

74 !!!

here you go said...

75 !!!

Anonymous said...

Let me politely disagree while being extremely close to own tradition.

If you practice even half of the intensity that Kodo Sawaki did, you do zazen trough some serious shit and don't take break. Dogen talks about this and many others. Anyone who have trained with with intensity long time is familiar with bad shit and good shit. Going to the source, Buddha did some serious stare-down with Mara.

I could not agree with you more when you put down good otherworldly vibes and bad vibes and tell people that they are not the thing. But I'm seriously surprised on how you advise people on handling on them. Instead of just asking people to ignore them, you seem to suggest that there is something wrong with zazen. Yes, zen texts continuously ward against addiction to rapture and ascetic craziness, but I have never heard any text or teacher telling people to take sit less when they face serious difficulties.

In some traditions people talk about makyous that happen and even classify them, in some they don't. In zen we usually don't. Whatever the attitude, they happen if you just go singlemindedly forward. Only way is to face them and let them be.

Usually most "sick" makyos happen when you are beginner. Everyone will still face the Dark Night of the Soul, and that is not piece of cake. My personal experience is that most of my first 10 years of zen training was spend on coming close and turning away just when you are almost brave enough to look at the world without interruption.

Maybe I'm wrong and mistaken and this is not what you mean at all, but maybe you should clarify what you mean.

Anonymous said...

who do you think you're talkin' to here?

have you not heard master jinzy decree master brad said he's not reading the comments section, because it has been taken over by troll:z?

and if you talk to me, have i said anything else other than SIT until at least you can deal with a comments section that's "apparently" out of line and destroying i don't know what, the usefullness of brad blog?

Chris said...


Anonymous said...

The following is cut'n'pasted from Brad's webpage


So I'm in a book store the other day and I see this book called The Best Buddhist Writing of 2004 and I wondered what these guys might think is the best Buddhist writing of 2004. So I pick up the book, and what do you know -- I'm in it! Gosh.

My publishers had mentioned something about this to me ages ago. But this is the first I'd actually seen of the book. It's a purty little book and it's a great honor to be included. I'm very happy they chose my work.

There's just one little thing. The last little bit of their introduction to my stuff really stuck in my craw. And I thought I needed to clear things up a bit here. Now I know that to a lot of you this will just come off as nitpicking. But it's actually really important to me, so let me get it off my chest. OK?

After saying lots of nice stuff about my book (thank you), the editor then goes on to say that the chapter is about how I was suddenly struck by what he calls a "kensho experience." "A sudden hit of the enlightened mind" is how he describes it, I think (nobody ever sent me a copy so I'm doing this from memory). For those of you not up on your hipster Buddhist-speak I should explain that kensho — which is Japanese for seeing into one's nature — is a euphemism for what they used to call Enlightenment. You know, that one moment where you supposedly get the big download from on high and everything is right and beautiful forever and ever amen.

The chapter they chose is the one in which I was walking along the street one morning and happened to just kinda notice what the whole Buddhist philosophical system was all about. I can't blame the editor of the Best Buddhist Writing book for thinking this was a description of a "kensho" experience. Quite a number of readers have made the same mistake. The blame is entirely mine for not writing more clearly. If I had do-overs on my life I'd probably replace that chapter with something more useful, like a critical study of Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women.

Just for the record then, the chapter is not about a kensho experience. I have never had a kensho experience. I hope I never do. I've never come across anyone who claimed to have had one of those who could convince me it was anything worth experiencing.

The expression I used in that chapter to describe what happened that day is one learned from my teacher. He never talks about kensho. In fact, when asked about kensho, he'd likely quote you Dogen's famous phrase, "Kensho is the animated activity of non-Buddhists." He does sometimes talk about the experience of "solving philosophical problems." He calls it this because that's all it is. If you practice zazen long enough there may come a time when you see through most of the philosophical problems you've held for most of your life. It's nice if that happens. But it is not the goal of Buddhist practice. At best itÕs a little perk you might get on the side. And if it doesn't happen, it's no big deal. Consider yourself lucky!

You cannot induce such an experience. Never. Never. Never. Drugs won't do it. Mantras won't do it. Meditation won't do it. So-called "koan introspection" definitely won't do it. Such methods are just ways of adding confusion on top of confusion.

See, the only thing you understand when you solve your philosophical problems is that this is just this. That life is what it is, that you are what you are, that the universe is what it is. Get me? You can't even explain what the universe is. It just is what it is. That's it. Anyone who claims there's anything beyond that is a lying sack of excrement.

It's not that people who reach this understanding are special in any way. In fact, since it's only the understanding that things are exactly what they are, the real wonder is not that some rare few get it. The real wonder is how so many people can possibly miss something so exceedingly obvious.

The main reason we miss it, though, might be that we're just too damned clever for our own good. Maybe "clever" isn't the best word. Perhaps "intellectual" is closer to the mark. See, the problem is that we believe our own thoughts. We believe the picture of reality we've created inside our own heads more than we believe reality itself. Or worse, we believe in our own "kensho experiences" and in those of others.

In order to have any understanding at all of the true situation we need to turn away from that elaborate creation and start paying attention to what's really here.

You can never will the truth to appear because the very act is based on a complete misunderstanding of the truth. You cannot hurry the process along in any way. There are no "expedient means" to use another favorite bit of Buddhist-speak.

All you can do is to sit down, shut up and let reality present itself. There are no other ways, I'm afraid. I know a lot of people don't like to hear me say such things. And if you don't like to hear it, go listen to someone else. You'll find plenty of folks out there who'll happily play up to whatever fantasies you've got.

But if you're willing to face up to what's real, there is no reason why you cannot reach the deepest understanding. It may take a long time before you're ready to look. And the process itself will always, always, always entail a certain degree of pain. Pain — mental as well as physical — is born of your unwillingness to see things as they are. But even your unwillingness to see reality for what it is, is part of reality as it is. So even your delusion itself is "Enlightenment" if there is such a thing.

But it sure ain't kensho!

mother earth said...

If there is one thing you can't criticize Brad for it is the fact that in his approach to teaching he is very very consistent.

Good teachers are very consistent. The art of "good teaching" seems to be all about consistency.

Though, of course the message being taught might not be so great.

But as far as how Brad teaches-- he is one of the most solid ones out there--most teachers will not get involved in such vulgar honesty on the fucked up environment of the internet precisely because they lack the stability necessary of a good teacher and of those who do how many people really read them? It becomes more of an incestuous agree fest although what we have here is more like an incestuous disagree fest. Brad is popular for a reason.

All I'm really trying to say is that Brads got stability up the yin yang.

Mick and Keith said...

"Beast in Barden"

Ill never be your beast in barden
My brad is brave but mike's a hurting
All I want is for you to teach zen to me
Ill never be your beast of barden
Ive sat for minutes my ass is hurting
All I want is for you to teach zen to me

is he hard enough
is he rough enough
is he rich enough
mike is too blind to see

Ill never be your beast of barden
So lets go home and draw the curtains
cali state wants his info
Come on baby teach nishijima's way to me
mike ain't hard enough
mike ain't rough enough
mike ain't rich enough
he's just too blind to see

Oh sit down sister
He's shitty, shitty,shitty,shitty,shitty,shitty, wooo!
Come on baby please, please, please teach the way to me

he'll tell ya
Brad can put me out
On the street
Put me out
With no shoes on my feet
But, put me out, put me out
of mike's misery

Yeah, all your sickness
I can suck it up
Throw it all at me
I can shrug it off
Theres one thing Mikey
That I dont understand
You keep on telling me
Brad ain't no zenning man

Aint he rough enough, ooh baby
Aint he tough enough
Well he isn't rich enough, in love enough
Ooh! ooh! please

Ill never be your beast of barden
Ill never be your beast of barden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

I dont need no beast of barden
Don't need his cussing
Don't need his nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

gunderloy said...

"Interesting that Bardan would say I remind him of Louis de Funès since I'm the least Funès-like person you could imagine. Even more so since I'm not very funny."

michel, thanks.. another hilarious post.

Rich said...

Bad Buddhism Commentary 1
Y'know when people talk about their Enlightenment experiences or other big deal events in their meditation practice it just sounds to me like someone bragging about their sex life. Sure, on some level I might enjoy hearing it and I might be able to use it as fodder for fantasies. But it really does me no good. Plus the main intention on the part of the speaker is to make you jealous. Exactly the same with Enlightenment stories."

Are you refering to the student who wrote you the email about their 'experience' as trying to make you jealous or do you mean in general if someone tells you about their 'enlightenment experience' they are just trying to make you jealous? Could they just be trying to get your attention and direction because they view you as a teacher? You say ' it really does me no good' It must be difficult for a teacher to get all this stuff and all kinds of questions when most of it does yu no good.

Michael Bardan said...

I wonder if Playboy will offer Sarah Palin a spread? She might look good with her clothes off. i think she's hot.

michael bardan said...

this is very sad to me actually.

people wasting their time trying to explain what I'm about.

ever since I got here I cannot even convey the small joe da'ath teisho point.

please people however beginner you may be, try to stop validating against lower forms (me mikey bee) and higher forms (your transmitted teacher braddy-chan).

if at least a group of 2 or 3 readers here would understand the importance of that, maybe I'll stop cussing y'all.

ok, please I beg you, how hard is it to comprehend that point?

it doesn't help you to figure out anyone else but your sorry self.

I'm not here to learn from your teacher, each and everyone of you is my teacher. Im not here to teach your teacher, maybe offer a check here and a balance there. I'm certainly not here for validation of any kind. Im past the point in life where I'm not happy with the size of my dick or being a 1 minute man in bed or whatever the common guy struggles with in this life.

The fear of death I had licked since Im 18. Dit it help me live my life better, care free? No. Do I go around feeling Im some special shit flying high before hitting another propellor? No. Tho I understand how a random person with a got milk moustache or the arrogance of I have a rakusu and a huge sangha sucking up to me day and day out may think so.

Im not going to waste my time with the latter guy, but I will with the former, because Im a fool enough to think there's still hope there. For the blind and deaf arrogant teacher, there's only karma to provide help along the way.

Im not like Nella either, to sit there comfortably in some country where life is kingly when you get paid a Western wage and live in fear of ending up dead if I piss off the right people.

Ive been peeing against the wind since pretty much birth. Sometimes I get wet, but I take refuge in the warmth!

Carry on everybody. Today's meeting went well and there'll be more next week, but then the intent (and it seems honest so far) is for me to get back to work.

Nothing changing, to to work, write stupid blog comment:z, it's my life and Im happy with it. Fret not, when Im unhappy and/or suffering, I won't be shy to make a big whiney stink out of it.

carry on everybodhi...

michael bardan said...

oh yeah and I fully concur with the michael Bardan above. ever since Palin is on the ticket I am actually seriously pondering voting my usual republican asshole vote.

fuck the polar bear. drill his ass. it's got black skin so there's no denying it's trying to fake it. plus the only bear where if you're in sight, you are dead. don't try making yourself big and pull some noisy shit like they tell you up in yosemite and don't try to run either, they can even climb oil rigs.

if you see a polar bear up on the Slope, SIT with it. that's your ONLY hope. no eye contact either, please.

also, I heard Palin has it in her to solve the perennial Jewish problem. Arny says he heard her say she plans to sell Alaska to the Jews for cheap, on condition they give Jesus dirt back to Palestinian:Z!

vote playboy, vote NOW!

Tao of Pooh said...

See, Mikey all better when not drunk blooging.


Te of Piglet said...

Sorreeee, drunk BLOGGING

michael bardan said...

pooh, stop yo shiznit delusions of what's best foh you is what's best foh me or else i'll paint your hair blond and sell you to palin as pet.

now i talk about validation against lower and higher form:z, now you fukken do JUST THAT, oh lookat me i'm so wise because i can see when bardan's doing right action and when wrong.

you are so fukken drunk on your idiot thinking you can play wise bear with any1, get a fukken grip, bearhole!

GrandMaster Flash JinZang & Tonic said...


you are ululating against the wind and with the bardan maniac.

how many more times must i tell you the bodhichiquitita way dictates if the teacher says he ain't reading dem comments, then you must believe.

and obey.

like agent scully!

GrandMaster Flash JinZang and No Tonic said...

friends, i myself have done some serious investigating of my own and LO, ani jinzang is quite hot!

i promise to eat a stronzium pill of yours if you give me a blowjob!

anony, try forwarding this to my wife, see if she'll divorce me.

i mean if you can't get me fired, maybe you can get me left alone under a rock or something, yanno, make sure your prediction of my miserability level:z according to your schadenfreude practice are in tune with Reality.

lemme take a few more moments of silence before i rip brad's consistent yin-yang know jackshit nothing about kensho nor have i ever had one to piece:z!

Werner Airhead said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"Some of the teachers in this lineage are pretty great. Don't let Brad put you off. Take a look at Jundo at That's a wonderful online Sangha worth a look, with a good teacher and friendly community. And, if in the UK, Michael Luetchford, who I have known for many years. A different cup of tea for everyone."

And, when it comes to Brits, don't forget Al Watts and a cup of hooch.

"After all, the waterfront did have a high percentage of genuine talent somewhat tempered by unwashed urchins straight out of the pages of Charles Dickens. Alan Watts had an opulent office inside another one of Sausalito's beached ferry boats. His secretary kept the space open long after Watts left it all behind."

michael bardan said...

start spelling it correctly fervirginmarryssakes, it's


ze wuz a tranny dontcha no?

qbitty said...

i just sit here purring wondering how long until these rabid zen dawgs will start enticing you with baba ram dass and his monthly vid/podcast for $9.95 str8 and direkt from teh island of maueeeeeeee.

let's all hold hands like king rodney once upon an LA Time advised and get along in satsang now, shall we?

make me put my pinky claw in your neck, rottweiler pussy! or is that bitch?

white rabbit's dick stuck down matrix hole said...

i no i no, like dood, liek tim leary he ain't gone, he just on teh outside lookin' like inner lookalike through the we're not in kansas anymore glass blo'hole!

Anonymous said...

consistently retarded when it comes to advanced practice, consistently great for beginner / yuppy / hippy / laidback / laissez faire / even bompu zen. re: braddy-chan's zen which he can't even brand for making money and live better this life. porno zen not very marketable in purititanic USA of today. Godzilla zen, yo it's not Kyoto urban corner dime a dozen temple crap anymore...

asshole zen is already taken by virtue of assholy trollpa ribpoke mikey zee, WTF is left for you dope? hill street where running water in the kitchen is a luxury?

bro, cave zen is for bodhidharma and if you wanna consult to the stars then get at list with Hollywood zennies, Richard Gere comes to mind, tho he's likely Master Linji's beyotch already.

you want popular? go popular. there's nothing else or you to do, because the deep teachers will fucking throw you out of sanzen/dokusan not with a bell, but with a whip woven together from guitar string:z!

try looking into the yoga of the sound current.

I dunno. you've tried this soto ladies' method shit long enough and it's not working. you know it's not working and it's not necessary to waste more lifetimes ensnared in a method that's not working while trying to show others how to make it work.

oh wait, you can't hear comments here, I keep forgeting and my mission as paid troll here is to discredit your teachings.

and rightfully so. mebbe then you can make better monster movies. who can tell?

the ( one ) sound current.

pluck that cord, break your lip with the cord snapping and forget everything you've been thought about zen!

(the many voices of) Michael Bardan said...

Have you seen my Dulcinea? Have you seen her? She is incredibly beautiful. I so wish that you could see her.

Rich said...

Grandmaster Jinzang says
"you are ululating against the wind and with the bardan maniac.

how many more times must i tell you the bodhichiquitita way dictates if the teacher says he ain't reading dem comments, then you must believe."

It is not the reading or non reading, it is the point where the fear arises. Perceive it, let it go, do correct action, keep practicing with don't know mind.

Justin said...


This is a little gem:

"talking about letting stuff go is hangin' on to it. also, you do not let things go, you have the patience to sit with them until they let go of you."

My wife gets annoyed by me telling her to 'let go' of stuff. And I've struggled to describe how to let go of stuff, but this is really nice.

By the way, I don't mean to be rude, but don't you have anything better to do with your time?

Plaudertasche said...

Is this Michael Bardan's block now?!
I am skipping all posts with his name on it. But man, how much time does this person have to rant on and on? And even more sad, this is how he/she chooses to spend time.


Brad sees the world from his own perspective--as do we all. He shares his point of view--which I appreciate since mine is different.

The same is true of Michael Bardan. But I enjoy Brad's words more.

Obizen thinks Brad is not ready to be a teacher. But Brad *is* a teacher--as is anyone who shares their views with others.

In the end, he's just a guy who's sharing his unique point of view and we who read his words can decide what makes sense to us and what doesn't.

Or am I missing something?

Plaudertasche said...

Is this Michael Bardan's block now?!
I am skipping all posts with his name on it. But man, how much time does this person have to rant on and on? And even more sad, this is how he/she chooses to spend time.


Brad sees the world from his own perspective--as do we all. He shares his point of view--which I appreciate since mine is different.

The same is true of Michael Bardan. But I enjoy Brad's words more.

Obizen thinks Brad is not ready to be a teacher. But Brad *is* a teacher--as is anyone who shares their views with others.

In the end, he's just a guy who's sharing his unique point of view and we who read his words can decide what makes sense to us and what doesn't.

Or am I missing something?

Anonymous said...

Anybody noticed how much McCain looks like Mike Myers?

Erik said...

I think I'll pass on those experiences, thank you. I'll just continue to sit... and be bored.

I do agree with you 100% that talking about enlightenment experiences is like bragging about sex, and I almost always get a vibe of ego and selfishness from the speaker telling the story.

I think it can and should be talked about... with a careful emphasis on context.

Anonymous said...

These signs read more like some sort of neurological imbalance, rather than signs of progress.

A practice that is too strenuous can cause this.

And if someone combines this with going short on sleep and food, these deficits could be aggravating factors.

Interested persons ought to get a copy of David Frawley's book, Ayurvedic Healing. He lists meditation related disorders and in all cases, the first advice is stop the practice and then find ways to stabilize body and mind, often by changing one's diet and going for quiet walks, preferably in nature, and doing gardening.

Mumon said...

"But it really does me no good."

Is that the point?