OK. I talked at the Akron Public Library on Wednesday. Did a show with 0DFx that same night. Did some 0DFx recordings, hopefully for a new CD out soon, on Thursday. Showed Cleveland's Screaming in Cleveland last night (Friday), played another 0DFx show right after that, and tonight (Saturday) we have yet another 0DFx show. On Monday I'm going down to manly Mansfield for yet another Zen talk (info is linked at the end of the post below this one). Yeesh. The photo is of Jimi Imij (lead throat shredder of the mighty Defex) at the show Wednesday. On his chest is written "R.I.P GUNS." The Guns were a two-piece hardcore band that used to play loads of our shows. Sadly both have now passed to the Great Mosh Pit Beyond. We did one of their songs.
Last night I got to sleep at 4 AM, which is half an hour before I'd be waking up on a Zen retreat. I can do this kind of thing from time to time without any major ill effects. But I don't think I could keep it up on a regular basis. It's better for me to have a schedule that's a little closer to normal. I don't like waking up at 10 or 11. I used to do it all the time. Now I feel like I've missed the whole day. I guess the difference is in having experienced the morning -- I mean the real morning, just at dawn. Once you've experienced that it's hard to go back (like once you've gone Black). I don't think we're nocturnal creatures.
So anyway, being back in my home town means being back in the drama of friends and family. Oy vey. I hate god damned interpersonal bullshit drama. But there's one real important message I keep trying to convey over & over to all you Zen fans out there in Internets Land. And that is that there is no escape from interpersonal bullshit drama. People sometimes get this vision that they'll run off to some Zen temple or monastery and escape forever interpersonal bullshit drama. It won't happen. Never has. Never will. Forget it. This is one reason why Nishijima likes to expose all the interpersonal bullshit drama of Dogen Sangha to public view. It's far more honest than hiding it like most Buddhist groups do (you know who you are).
Sometimes when I read Dogen I notice that even he had to deal with this shit at his temples. You can see it in his talks to his monks. A lot of the hard to understand stuff in Shobogenzo and his other works can be traced to just this kind of stuff. You'll find it in Buddha's talks to his followers too. Don't let the arcane, ancient language fool you into believing those monks were not real people just like your idiot friends.
There should be a difference. And in the best of cases there actually is. But not that often. And the difference is that someone who does the practice should be aware of the fact that the drama is just drama and that it doesn't need to be quite so dramatic. The nasty thing that happens in Buddhist bullshit drama is that people go into passive aggressive mode. "Gassho, brother, (I hate your fucking guts) the Dharma, skillfull means, Compassion, blah-blah-blah (I'm sleeping with your girlfriend and I know you know and that's why I'm gonna do it again tonight), be well my brother, Gassho."
Gassho my fucking ASS. You know what? I propose a ban on ending e-mails with "gassho" or "deep bows" or any of that stupid passive aggressive hypocritical faux Buddhist bullshit. Banned forever! Done.
Sorry. Where was I? Oh yeah. Human drama. What to do? I wish I had an easy answer. I mostly ignore it as best I can. I also take sacrcastic people's sacrcasm at face value. Why thank you, this is a lovely pair of checkered bermuda shorts I'm wearing! Or whatever.
I gotta go do stuff. Enjoy life.
Gassho my dick.